Sunday, October 25, 2009

You can't live in the past, but...

Fall is beautiful. The temperature is still warm, but with hints of crisp air. The hooded sweatshirts make their return down from the shelf in my closet. The leaves on trees change from green into a multitude of gorgeous colors. The orchards begin selling freshly-pressed apple cider. The bleachers in once-empty stadiums begin filling up with spectators, as football makes its triumphant return. Although I enjoy parts of every season, fall is the one I look forward to the most.

I decided to go for a walk on this glorious afternoon. My favorite place to walk is the Sweetser Switch Trail, but this time, I decided to visit Playacres Park in Fairmount. I walked through the park and ventured over to Vine Street. I looked through the fence at the increasingly dilapidating Fairmount High School. As I gazed up at the once stately three-story brick building, I began wondering what it used to look like inside. I tried to picture teens (namely James Dean) standing at their lockers, ascending the stairways, and sitting in classrooms.

I walked back to the park and stopped at one of the baseball diamonds. I stood at the fence and began reminiscing over the many games I played on that field some 17-18 years ago. As I processed my nostalgic thoughts, I realized how truly different the world has become in just those 17-18 years. Innocence and naivety have almost become a thing of the past. I remember classic cartoons on Saturday morning. I remember wholesome, hilarious TV shows without sexual innuendos. I remember eating hot dogs, grilled cheese, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I remember playing baseball in the backyard with Dad. I remember tree houses and sandboxes. I remember playing Boxcar Children and spy games with my cousins. It was truly a time of simplicity and innocence.

I wondered to myself, "What kind of world are my children inherit some day?" That might seem a bit strange, considering I'm a single, 24-year old guy, but then again, I'm a bit strange. :) I like reminiscing over the past - even the eras that I never was alive to experience. I enjoy looking through my mom's old yearbooks and trying to imagine what it would've been like to experience Madison-Grant High School, my alma mater, in the 1970s. I guess I did get a taste of it, as many of the teachers I had at M-G were teachers my mom had, as well. But it seems like the 60s-70s era had cool music, cool cars, and an overall cool culture. The past truly intrigues me on so many levels.

I've heard many times that "you can't live in the past," and I know that's true. As grateful as I am for things like computers, high-speed Internet, satellite TV, cell phones, and iPods, I can't help but wonder if today's culture could learn a lot from previous cultures. For instance, rather than sending text messages back and forth, what if we actually CALLED the person to whom we were texting? Or better yet, what if we actually hung out in person and spent face-to-face time with people? Maybe it's just because I'm a communication guy, but I feel like interpersonal communication was more meaningful back then. It wasn't as impersonal and cyber-based as it is now. You could make a case that people communicate all the time now, more than ever before - but with the increase in quantity, has there been a decrease in quality?

The world is a very different place in 2009, that's for sure. I know we can't live in the past, and I'm not suggesting that we try. But I think that today's American culture could greatly benefit from slowing down and appreciating/re-adopting some of the simpler, more meaningful things of generations past - with innocence and interpersonal communication being two of the top items on the list.

Just some food for thought on this fall day.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tonight, I finally have complete closure to what had been an unresolved situation in my life for the past several months.

After all was said and done, a person who I used to care very much about confirmed that they no longer wanted to be my friend. I don't know whether they were unable to put forth a consistent effort to be a friend or if deep down in their heart, they simply didn't care. But really, the reason doesn't matter. I can hold my head high knowing that I did everything I could do to be the best possible friend to this individual. I forgave this person multiple times and gave them numerous chances to right their wrongs against me. I said prayer after prayer for this individual. Many tears were shed over this person of whom I cared so much about for so long.

But no more.

This person knew what I needed and expected in a friend. They knew me probably better than anyone else. They knew what I was all about and how my mind operated. When I realized that I was being abused emotionally, I knew things had to change. I was having trouble figuring out who I truly was inside. It took a while for the wounds to heal and for me to rediscover who the real me was. The person I believed this individual to be turned out to be nonexistent. I greatly over-idealized them. We had some good times, yes. But in the end, those were not enough to outweigh the bad times. I still held on to an ounce of hope that perhaps one day, this individual would mature and become the kind of friend I believed they truly could be to me.

But no more.

Despite all of the pain and heartache this person caused me, I believe I see what God wanted to teach me. I have such a large number of true friends in my life - true friends who have remained honest, loyal, and even-tempered. True friends who say what they mean and mean what they say. True friends who truly and completely let me be me, and accept me for who I am - not slack me down for who I am not. True friends who help me grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ. True friends who I need to keep near to me. True friends who are worth fighting for and who I can strive to be a true friend to in return.

This is not the way I hoped things would turn out, but in the end, I realize it was not my choice to make. I know in my heart that I gave 110% effort to try and establish a healthy, genuine, two-way friendship with this person. I can honestly say that I have no regrets and that I wish this person the best in whatever the future holds.

Goodbye and so long.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

What's next?

When I was little, I was always told I could do anything I wanted.

Whatever happened to that?

I feel stuck. I hate feeling discontent. I'm not sure what I'm really passionate about, and that bothers me greatly. There are a few things I do feel more passion for than others (i.e. radio), but the opportunities to feed this passion appear to be nonexistent right now. I'm wanting to move to this supposed "next stage" of life - find a career I'm passionate about, marry an amazing woman, and own my own house. All of those things feel so far away, though. I know I'm only 24, but I really don't know what my purpose is right now. I've been seeking God's direction and guidance and will continue to do so, but I do feel as though my patience is running thin. I just want to have some new, exciting changes happen in my life that will encourage me and bring me closer to feeling more fulfilled. I believe I do have a purpose in this life. I believe God can and will work through me to further His kingdom.

I just want to know what's next...